A series of events...

When you have split up with the man who you believe to be your soul mate it is pretty difficult to move on. There is the fear that there will never be that same intense feeling ever again. It is the fear of the unknown and the fear of letting go. All of it is quite intense to deal with.

So still wondering what on earth was going on with him (please note he went through a tough time and completely withdrew into himself and our relationship was suspended) I went down to my local cafe. There in the newspapaper was an article detailing exactly what he was going through. That afternoon I met a friend to go to the Cinema, she picked the film and there it was again... What he was going through. I had not understood before - obviously a divorce in a person's life is significant but I have never experienced it so never understood it. So with that in mind attempted to contact him. Nothing. Was it possible that the strange coincidences ment nothing...

Resolution is a strange thing. To move from one relationship to another the first has to be resolved and finished. For me the difficulty in letting go is the fact that there may be hope of getting back together especially when there has been no completion. Well strangely enough resolution arrived this morning after two months of waiting. The tough time was over for him and during that time he had only thought of himself and not me. He had accepted it was time to move on. Strangely in my subconscious so had I. So the end was complete and it was time to move forwards. The sense of relief was strange. I expected more of an emotional response - but all I could feel was my shoulders drop and know that I could once again experience the new. So this little blog is a kind of good bye to my soul mate and the fact you enabled me to face me and my issues. You have no idea how that feels.

Soul mates - lessons and move on...

Today I stumbled upon an article about Soul mates... It stated that your soul mate is actually a catalyst to help you resolve patterns... Essentially it is not a soul mate that you are looking for. The Soul mate prepares you to find your 'twin flame'. Now that sounds a little lettuce sniffy to me... But think about it, maybe there is something in it. Your Soul mate enables you to face your projections and move on. As much as you may experience sheer hell, you can choose to evolve or you can run from it... So something about this article hit a chord with me... I may have met my soul mate and his withdrawl forced me to identify patterns within my life... If that is the case then maybe now that I understand that in a relationship you project what you love about yourself onto the person, then over time you project your shadow. Since I am now aware of such projections I believe you can become mindful and aware of your behaviour, that way you can learn and evolve.

Soul mates.

So if there is only one soul mate for each person does that mean that I have a one in six billion chance of meeting 'the one?'

Have you ever gazed into a person's eyes and felt like you have known them forever? I had that once... I was convinced the man was my soulmate. I was definitely going to marry him and spend eternity gazing at him. It was so strange how everything about us connected on all levels. That 'knowing' feeling and contentment enthrawled us both. To be quite honest is gave me a great deal of faith in the possibility of past life and future life.

With respect to past life and future life, I used to work on cruiseships, one of my room mates had been regressed. She had witnessed numerous past lives and believed she recognised the same souls repeating and repeating. In her life each soul came back to function within a different role. Admittedly when she told me this I might have considered her a little doo-lally. However after gazing into this man's eyes and experiencing forever, I had an inkling about what she was talking about...

Then as quickly as he arrived in my life he disappeared. Strange I know, but he had unresolved issues and rather than face them, he withdrew. It was the strangest thing... The unfortunate truth was an ex-wife, financial issues and complete fear of the future sent him into his own emotional cave. I have not heard from him since... Still the set of events worked as a catalyst for me - it made me notice the patterns in life and helped me resolve numerous questions. So in a way maybe he was a soul mate because he was the trigger to make me face me, my shadow, who I am and question existence. In a strange way, if he had not been in my life I would never have written this.

In terms of Soul mates - I believe there are more than one. There has to be. However, I believe that possibly some people resonate at a same level and the magnetism in their 'aura' attracts others. What I think, and this is my opinion, is that somehow there are recordings within the aura. I think that the subconscious has access to these records... And maybe through meditation you can also access it... I believe that it is possible to attract certain people and events into your life because they enable you to face parts of your own personality... So essentially everyone who is present in your life is ultimately a soul mate... I think what we are actually searching for is true love on a soul level.

Smiling...

The snow laid thick on the ground, it was bitterly cold and was the perfect excuse for a frown? No - on the contrary. The snow in England seems to be uniting people and giving them something to talk about. Of course we all love to talk about the weather, especially when it is something out of the ordinary... The thing is it seems that this rather odd phenomenon is uniting communities, children are laughing and the usual 'guards' are down.

While I was out walking I noticed people were more playful. Many smiled and said hello. That got me into thinking how lovely it is to greet each other - even strangers... We live in a world based in fear and the truth is a simple smile and act of friendliness can change a person's day around. The more you smile, the more people you meet. A smile is definitely contagious... Imagine if smiling became a contagious - ease... I would call it a smile-ease. How lovely is that?

Money

So if money makes the world go round - what does gravity do?

I am having somewhat of a thoughtful morning... Last night my mind was turned to wealth and abundance... I witnessed a rather wealthy man go ballistic in a bar. It turned out that he spent the majority of his time enebriated. That made me wonder about what money really does for a person...

So, according to society, the more money you have the happier you will be. So first we have to define happy... What is happy? For me happiness is that feeling on a summers day when you can smell the sea or cut grass and your whole body feels alive and at ease. So if I generate hoards of cash how will that increase that feeling? Maybe I could travel the world sniffing grass and sea water. Or that feeling when you are wrapped in the one you love... That costs nothing... (well is shouldn't).

No really, obviously money is a necessity. We all need money to survive; however, the recent economic crash has highlighted something quite amazing. We can be more selective about what we buy and the question: do we really need it comes into mind. What does a person really need comparitively to want? So regarding chasing the golden carrot, surely we can slow the treadmill if our 'need' for objects lessens. That way we may not 'need' to work so many hours... We can have quality time with friends and family. Yes you need some money but strangely I have learned you can spend a day out walking with a friend which is equally as nice as going for a meal.

As soon as one question rises so does another and another. Where does money come from? Why don't we simply trade? With this in mind I have been doing a little bit of research on money and my findings gave me quite an insight. Originally shells were traded for objects. So with that in mind, remove the shinny golden nuggets and consider stressing yourself out in a job to receive fifty shinny shells per hour. How ridiculous is that? Oh look that man is the man with fifty million shells... He is so rich. I could dredge the sea and be the richest person in the world...


What's more I have been considering value - what is something really worth? Why is it the house prices in England are so extreme? In Bournemouth there is a new three bedroom apartment - it costs £500,000 how is that justifiable? It is simply a three bedroom flat. So how does the average person generate enough wealth to buy a home? How can the rate of pay be so far removed from being able to buy a home? How can homes be more affordable?

If the value is based on supply demand then prices depreciate when there is no demand. Again there will always be demand... People will always need houses. So how can new buyers get on the ladder? The banks provide the buyers with massive loans which means they have to commit to remaining in a job and running as fast as they can on that treadmill... It is all so complicated. Is there an answer? I could ponder this all day; however, I believe that a number of brains my come up with a solution... So if you have any suggestions please comment...

So back to money. Money is simply an exchange value, it does not need to have any emotion applied to it. All the emotions you apply to it usually come from fear. So face your fears and accept money as an exchange device. You exchange your life hours to achieve it, you exchange it to gain something you desire. Money is simply an exchange and you do not need to define who you are based on how much money you have. You define who you are by being your true self... That is wealth in itself. If you are in a job you don't find inspirational - find ways in which to make your day better. Focus on the positive things... Try to make sure you laugh each day. That way you get something out of it rather than just money....

Fear and wealth.

Fear knocked at the door and love answered - there was nobody there.

Last night I went to a rather nice new bar with a friend of mine. During our conversation we talked about my blog which raised the subject of fear. During the conversation she recited the above line, which I found quite lovely. Anyway during the evening one of the most well to do men in the area grew increasingly drunk and caused a scene. He started a fight and began screaming at numerous people. Since he was so wealthy they did not throw him out...

Well I observed the scene with fascination, this man had built a massive empire, albeit not with complete integrity and there he was completely wasted screaming at everyone... It seemed that money certainly did not buy class. In his case, though his behaviour, he revealed loneliness and feelings of not being good enough. He desired attention and having a drunken toddler tantrum was his way of achieving it.

On the journey home something bothered me about this man. The fact, that according to our society, this man was considered a success. Yet (again this is only my opinion)his behaviour revealed he had nothing. His aggressive actions revealed his fear of loneliness and his wealth was amassed to make him feel worth something. All of it was outer display of what the interior was lacking. Please note - this is my opinion of the situation - I may well be wrong. What's more, back to this golden carrot - on some level we all fear poverty - but also do we fear wealth? Why is it, according to society, the wealthy are to be looked upon as something to aspire to. Shouldn't our aspiration simply be to experience joy every day, have perfect health and spend time with great friends? That to me is wealth. What's more, from the wealthy people I have met, it seems they have made massive sacrifices to achieve material wealth - most have sacrificed health and relationships. Is it really worth it when you can not take it with you?

So back to this fear of wealth - I don't simply mean the external manifestation, I also refer to the re-connection to who we are - our true essence. Why is it we fear being who we truly are? Why do we have to conceal ourselves through facades, roles and masks? Through being who we truly are and acting in the highest interest surely any abundance we generate is worth more. It has come from an authentic source - one which enables us joy and the opportunity to share. Rather than simply making an action because it will result in money, instead make an action that makes money but also benefits others... So where I am going with this is? In my previous experience I noticed that a fear of lack generated an action to attain wealth in material form. For instance - I had no money so would take on a job I hated simply to earn money. I exchanged my life hours for a measley value of a construct (money). I valued my life hours according to a wage.

Back to the original line - fear knocked at the door, love answered - there was no-one there. I personally feel that through focusing on love in terms of loving what you do and using your skills to share a service with others. When that service is full of love and results in receiving an income - surely that is worth more than simply chasing a golden carrot... So when I ask if there is a fear of wealth - maybe the fear is going against the grain, accepting who you truly are, stepping out from being a robot and providing a service imbued with a positive feeling. I know what I am going to do from now on...

Fear and fear

Well today I drove back from Cornwall to Bournemouth. Today is considered one of the coldest days England has experienced in thirty years; the images of snow, ice and danger that were played in repetition on the news would have you hibernating forever... Still with a little apprehension I ventured onto the roads to find them clear... So had I paid attention to what was on the television I would never have made the journey. Obviously that got me thinking. If I believe what I am told by others - how does that affect my life? Second hand opinions are fascinating when you do not take them personally because you simply become aware of other people issues and fears.

Prior to driving home I was told by numerous people to be careful because it was dangerous. Of course they were looking out for me, but the truth was there was nothing to fear because the roads were clear.

So fear... Fear comes from thoughts which causes your body to make a fight or flight reaction to keep you safe. Fear is interesting because if you live your life by fear you generate more fear. A heart full of fear can not love. So what can you do? Well I personally sat down and faced my fears. I listed everything I feared and did a number of meditations on them specifically. Strangely when I decided to face my fears some rather odd happenings took place... So if you are going to face your fears be prepared. So for example one of my major fears is abandonment - well within the week I was abandoned by a now ex-boyfriend.

Another fear was being out of control - so my car broke down in rush hour on one of the busiest roundabouts in Bournemouth. To make matters worse it was in a heavy down pour. These are to name but a few. Interestingly it was liberating because I recognised my fears and accepted them rather than run away from them... And then what happened? I realised that in our duality, that which we fear we hide within the recesses of our minds... Those fears keep repeating and waving their little flags until we finally face them... I also noticed that a great number of areas of my life are stagnant because of fear. So come the next step... realisation... And the moment you face those fears you realise your mind had blown them out of proportion...

So how do you solve it? Integrate and accept the fears. Essentially they are part of you and the more you deny them the more want attention. Facing them enables you to free yourself up. Once those fears do not have 'power' over you, you are free and available for new experience...

How I approached a fear meditation:

First I noticed the patterns of fear that I repeat. It can be in any part of your life: a relationship, a circumstance or simply something you fear. I listed them down and relaxed into a meditative state by mentally stepping onto a lovely beach. Then one by one I asked each fear to turn up in a form. During the meditation I asked it questions and asked how to release, accept and integrate each of the fears. The answers will be personal to you. Within the meditations I followed the advice... When I came out of the meditation I felt a sense of calm. Nothing miraculous happened; however, I felt that I had changed something.

The next day I was driving and a large spider appeared on my mirror. Rather than scream and slam on the breaks I simply remained calm and accepted it was there... Something had definitely changed!